My Full Story,
Nowadays, I have little desire to spend any time in memories of my past, they are simply a point of reference, a story.
At one point my whole identity was brokeness.
All I had to do, was survive!
My purpose is to be the light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
My own healing journey has been a valuable teacher and guide in my personal and professional development and afforded me a unique insider perspective of self-healing methods and modalities.
I grew up living in the countryside, just outside of a nondescript town called Rushden, situated in the midlands of the United Kingdom.
It was a tired old place, with a vanishing history of grandeur that matched the residence narrow-minded perceptions of the world.
Few broke the mould and stepped outside of the norm.
From my earliest memories, I realised I was 'odd', very different from everyone that I encountered, including my family and the few friends that didn't stay around to long.
My thoughts were deep and abstract, and I noticed and felt things that I couldn't explain and that others seemed to overlook, I was sensitive and often solitary. Feeling worthless was an understatement.
Very quickly I learned, to hide my true-self, try to become what others expected me to be,
whatever that was.
My Shadow Self was born, and this was to remain my identity and best friend for the next 30+ years.
SETTING THE STAGE (Before Awakening)
Major traumas in my life and an inability to connect led to many years of dissociation, disconnection, depression, severe panic attacks, and anxiety.
It was a common thought that I had made a mistake, why did I pick this life?
Curious to be aware of this...I know.
I lived two revolving lives, one of striving to succeed, achieve, and to make my way in this world and another battling my own personal hell, of loneliness, abandonment and PTSD. I was a prisoner within my own mind, unable to communicate, connect and see past my perceived shortfalls.
Substance abuse and dysfunctional abusive relationships distracted and dulled the senses but only added to the already brokenness of my Soul. I never thought of the future, because, in all honesty, I didn't believe I had one.
My heart was closed. I had lost trust in myself and others. I was done with the endless struggle.
Divine Intervention - My Awakening
It was 8 pm on February 3rd 2017, this date is etched in my mind. I had no clue what was going to happen, nobody did.
I found myself sitting opposite a beautiful lady, who was an Ayahuasca facilitator from Denmark. After hearing my story of heart-ache, regarding life, she offered me a ceremony, apologising that she couldn't offer me Ayahuasca (which would have been her preferred medicine) but she could organise a DMT ceremony if I would like.
I jumped at the idea, not really knowing what I was saying yes too, but as I was an eager psychonaut I thought, what harm will it do?
20 mins after smoking, I began to return back to this dimension, so full of the most overwhelming Divine LOVE I couldn't comprehend at the time.
I knew something huge had happened. The following days, I closed my business and began to take the first tentative steps on the road of healing and self-realisation. study and heal. I was being guided by a higher intelligence on exactly what I needed to do.
In the following months, I closed and sold my guesthouse and began to plan some time in solitude where I would spend my days meditating, studying self-help practices and follow my intuitive guidance to heal.
What is DMT?
N,N-Dimethyltryptamine (DMT or N,N-DMT) is a naturally occurring chemical substance that occurs in many plants and animals and is said to be released in human brains when we are born (naturally) and when we die.
It is used as a psychedelic drug and prepared by various cultures globally for ritual purposes as an entheogen.
Thousand reports a subjective feeling of transcending one’s body and entering an alternative realm, perceiving and communicating with sentient ‘entities’, ego-dissolution and mystical-type experiences.
Extensive research into the healing benefits of this entheogen are gaining great interest which is no surprise. This substance changed my life when numerous other therapies had no impact.
“A life with difficult relationships, filled with obstacles and losses, presents the most opportunity for the soul's growth"
- Brian Weiss
CONNECTING WITH QHHT
In the days after this ceremony, I was receiving a great deal of information that was showing me the way that I needed to go. This was showing up in numerous synchronicities and massive intuitive downloads.
One of these was an article titled 'The Three Waves Of Volunteers' by Dolores Cannon. I had never heard of Dolores at this time. When I read this article strong emotion welled up inside of me, I knew within every cell of my body that I was reading my soul story.
I began to read everything I could find and watch videos of this old lady that really could have just been someone's granny. The more I learnt about Dolores and her work that spanned over 40 years the more inspired I became to also become.
I understood on some deeper level where I had been in DMT were the same realms of consciousness accessed with hypnosis. I wanted to help guide others to this space of infinite love and wisdom, so they too could re-connect with there life force and heal.